2. The Last 12 Months - from Surgery to Addiction
Breast Augmentation
A year ago, my beloved, beautiful wife floated a balloon with her suggestion of what we might do with our $4,500.00 tax return. I've never denied my wife anything she wanted – ever, but she caught me off guard with her request. She wanted to have breast augmentation. After a moment of stunned silence, I knew I must reply or risk hurting her feelings. My less than enthusiastic "..umm. Are you sure?" made my sentiments clear – and she immediately ended the discussion with " well, just a thought… maybe we'll talk about it later."
From this moment on, life changed.
I always thought of myself as a reasonable guy. My wife and I have never had a fight to this day - I was taught to deal with concerns by talking them out. For me, personally, a great marriage is marked by discussion aimed at a common understanding; a middle ground if you will. Discussions should never be about "winning" or "loosing" - but about fairness and compassion - working together to do what is right.
I've always taken great pains to treat my wife with great respect. I make sure to send flowers for no reason other than just to say "I love you" - and send them to her office so she is the center of attention. I sent them so often she actually asked me to stop when we got married. I never showed up to a date without a rose - until she asked me to stop.
I do not believe there are things that are "women's work" and do the dishes after every meal, I do the laundry, I vacuum, I change diapers, I make the bed... and then I do the things that are stereotypically male - take care of the yard and do all the repairs around the house. In the past, when she asked, I gutted two bathrooms back to stud wall and replaced everything from the tank and bowl to retiling the floor. I took out the kitchen counters and put in new counters of her choice. Together we refinished the cabinets - all because she wanted to.
I don't write any of this personal lauds, I write it to explain exactly how much I love and respect my wife. I want so very much to make her happy.
And she always did her best to do things that made me happy. Until this request -
My Hang Up - Male M.Ds.
I have a hang up. I know about it. Rationally I know it is illogical, but I can't seem to get past it. The Lord knows I've tried and prayed often for assistance. The hang up? Male doctors in close proximity to my wife in any state of undress. I know when, how, and why it started – but still feel powerless against the feelings.
Three times in my presence, male M.D.s were unprofessional to a female family member - once with my Mom and twice with my wife. In all three instances the "Y Chromosome" overrode their professionalism and they acted in ways that were inappropriate. Staring, wiggling his eyebrows up and down, and mouthing a silent "Wow!" as one stared at my mom's exposed buttocks – stuck with me. Of course he didn't notice that little six year old boy sitting there, but I left with an understanding of "guys are guys first, their profession second" stuck with me.
When we were just dating, there was an OB examination sheet laying in the open one even while we were watching TV. I asked if she minded if I read it – she said "Sure!"… and reading about what all this particular male OB did struck me funny. This strange gnawing sensation started in my stomach as I read how he evaluated my wife's areola, its color and size… how he evaluated her nipples (were they introverted or extraverted… if manipulated will an introverted nipple extravert?) and then how he examined her genitalia.
I shared with her the weird feeling this caused – and explained it the best I could. She said she would do anything to make me happy and she sort of felt awkward with a man, too… she went to a female OB and had a female regular family doctor – so that beast of a feeling quieted down.
February of last year, she rattled the cage and my life and marriage began to unravel.
A year ago, my beloved, beautiful wife floated a balloon with her suggestion of what we might do with our $4,500.00 tax return. I've never denied my wife anything she wanted – ever, but she caught me off guard with her request. She wanted to have breast augmentation. After a moment of stunned silence, I knew I must reply or risk hurting her feelings. My less than enthusiastic "..umm. Are you sure?" made my sentiments clear – and she immediately ended the discussion with " well, just a thought… maybe we'll talk about it later."
From this moment on, life changed.
I always thought of myself as a reasonable guy. My wife and I have never had a fight to this day - I was taught to deal with concerns by talking them out. For me, personally, a great marriage is marked by discussion aimed at a common understanding; a middle ground if you will. Discussions should never be about "winning" or "loosing" - but about fairness and compassion - working together to do what is right.
I've always taken great pains to treat my wife with great respect. I make sure to send flowers for no reason other than just to say "I love you" - and send them to her office so she is the center of attention. I sent them so often she actually asked me to stop when we got married. I never showed up to a date without a rose - until she asked me to stop.
I do not believe there are things that are "women's work" and do the dishes after every meal, I do the laundry, I vacuum, I change diapers, I make the bed... and then I do the things that are stereotypically male - take care of the yard and do all the repairs around the house. In the past, when she asked, I gutted two bathrooms back to stud wall and replaced everything from the tank and bowl to retiling the floor. I took out the kitchen counters and put in new counters of her choice. Together we refinished the cabinets - all because she wanted to.
I don't write any of this personal lauds, I write it to explain exactly how much I love and respect my wife. I want so very much to make her happy.
And she always did her best to do things that made me happy. Until this request -
My Hang Up - Male M.Ds.
I have a hang up. I know about it. Rationally I know it is illogical, but I can't seem to get past it. The Lord knows I've tried and prayed often for assistance. The hang up? Male doctors in close proximity to my wife in any state of undress. I know when, how, and why it started – but still feel powerless against the feelings.
Three times in my presence, male M.D.s were unprofessional to a female family member - once with my Mom and twice with my wife. In all three instances the "Y Chromosome" overrode their professionalism and they acted in ways that were inappropriate. Staring, wiggling his eyebrows up and down, and mouthing a silent "Wow!" as one stared at my mom's exposed buttocks – stuck with me. Of course he didn't notice that little six year old boy sitting there, but I left with an understanding of "guys are guys first, their profession second" stuck with me.
When we were just dating, there was an OB examination sheet laying in the open one even while we were watching TV. I asked if she minded if I read it – she said "Sure!"… and reading about what all this particular male OB did struck me funny. This strange gnawing sensation started in my stomach as I read how he evaluated my wife's areola, its color and size… how he evaluated her nipples (were they introverted or extraverted… if manipulated will an introverted nipple extravert?) and then how he examined her genitalia.
I shared with her the weird feeling this caused – and explained it the best I could. She said she would do anything to make me happy and she sort of felt awkward with a man, too… she went to a female OB and had a female regular family doctor – so that beast of a feeling quieted down.
February of last year, she rattled the cage and my life and marriage began to unravel.
posted by Drucifer at 2:47 PM
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